


if you're thinking that i'm gonna act like those boys i would never

by its_tortle



Series: tumblr drabbles and ficlets [5]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bisexual Steve Rogers, But its hopeful, Childhood Friends, Coming Out, Ficlet, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Late Night Conversations, M/M, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Sort Of, Vague Ending, Wordcount: 100-1.000, soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:27:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26812120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/its_tortle/pseuds/its_tortle
Summary: a ficlet in which secrets are more easily uttered in the dark.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Series: tumblr drabbles and ficlets [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1951201
Comments: 2
Kudos: 66





	if you're thinking that i'm gonna act like those boys i would never

**Author's Note:**

> hey lovies! i've had this in my wips for a whole while, not sure if it had any substance at all. But, some encouragement from my wonderful friends brought it first to [tumblr](https://its-tortle.tumblr.com/post/630974779319549952/if-youre-thinking-that-im-gonna-act-like-those) and then here. 
> 
> title from [homegirl](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=roLDIXzcD3E) by king princess.

Bucky and Steve have been friends for years, best friends even. They’d been placed next to each other in freshman biology, and Steve hadn’t wanted to sit with anyone else since. Now, sharing an apartment 248 miles from their hometown in New York City seven years later, they’re still thick as thieves, know everything there is to know about one another.

Well, almost everything.

Thing is, Steve had never, in all their years of friendship, come out to Bucky. He’d been fairly certain he wasn’t straight even back when they met, especially with the notice he took of Bucky’s frankly sinful mouth, but hadn’t put a label on it until he was nearly seventeen. By then, it had seemed weird to tell him he was bisexual, it was never the right time. He knows Bucky would accept him no questions asked -- they had more than a few gay friends --, but they were so close and so affectionate that Steve can’t bear the thought of meddling with their relationship even a little at all. If Steve tells him, he runs the risk of losing cuddly movie nights and playful cheek kisses and flirty quips, which is really all he needs to get him through the rougher days.

Okay, so maybe he’s also a little bit in love with Bucky, but it’s fine, he can handle it. He doesn’t want to ruin it now.

That said, Steve’s not sure what possesses him that April night. They’re both lying in bed, Bucky’s, to be specific, and it’s after midnight. The street lights outside of the blinds are painting stripes over Bucky’s shape under the duvet and illuminating his cheeks, rough for having not shaved in a few days. They’d spent their evening quite ordinarily with leftover pasta and a few episodes of  _ The Office _ , heading to bed near midnight. They both have class tomorrow morning, Steve with an art history lecture and Bucky with a physics tutorial..

“Buck,” Steve whispers in the dark.

Bucky hums quietly, doesn't open his eyes.

For a few moments it’s silent and Steve thinks he’s about to chicken out again, but then, before he can think better of it, Steve blurts, “I’m bisexual.” It feels like ripping off a bandaid.

Slowly, Bucky opens his eyes, looks a little taken aback, maybe, but not offended. It’s silent for a moment , and Steve can hear a siren blaring a few blocks north.

“Okay,” Bucky says finally, “Is this new, or?”

Steve considers lying, but thinks better of it. He’s shit at doing so anyway. “No. No, not really.”

“Okay.”

Another silence stretches between them, longer than the last. Steve is suddenly very aware of how loud his breathing is.

“Why didn’t you ever tell me?”, Bucky asks then, and Steve can hear the hurt in his voice.

He retreats into himself a little in the darkness. “I don’t know,” he confesses. “I knew you wouldn’t have a problem with it, I just didn’t want things to change between us. For you to think I was always coming on to you, or something.”

Bucky says nothing.

“I’m sorry.”

“I get it, I guess,” Bucky breathes out. “But it sucks.”

“I know.”

“I mean you’re my best friend, Stevie,” Bucky laments. “I trust you more than enough not to hit on me unsolicitedly.”

Steve can’t help but huff out a laugh. “You mean there’s an occasion where it’s solicited?”

“Well, I don’t know,” Bucky shrugs. “Maybe.”

“Buck,” Steve questions hesitantly, “do  _ you  _ like guys?”

Bucky looks him dead in the eye in the dim light of the streetlamp outside. “Not usually.”

Even for someone as thick as Steve, the glint in his best friend’s eye is unmistakably a pointed, heated one. Steve’s seen the look enough through the years, though it was never directed at him. Now, he’s looking at Steve like he’s his exception, and Steve feels himself bristle. He turns away from Bucky and faces the ceiling, runs a hand through his hair.

“Don’t fuck with me like that, Buck,” he grumbles. He’s a little frustrated that Bucky’s already crossing lines Steve isn’t comfortable with, proving that maybe Steve was right not to come out earlier. He’d hoped he was wrong.

Steve expects him to apologize, gloss over it with a shitty joke about Steve’s ugly mug like he has a thousand times before, but Bucky does nothing of the sort. “I’m not.”

With a look somewhere between deadpan and annoyed, Steve turns to his friend, but his face is serious, sincere. Bucky’s never been  _ that _ good a liar, and Steve suddenly feels acutely aware of every nerve in his body. The realization that he wasn’t kidding sinks in slowly, then all at once, until Steve feels like he’s been hit by a truck.

They stare at each other for what must be close to a minute, gazes unwavering. It’s Steve that eventually tears away his eyes from Bucky’s, but he doesn’t move his head.

“Is that okay?”, Bucky asks quietly. He sounds more scared than Steve thinks he’s ever heard him.

  
“Yeah,” Steve answers breathily. “That’s okay.”

They share a small smile, an acknowledgement that everything is different now, though nothing really is. It should feel bigger, Steve thinks, this revelation, but it doesn’t. They’re still just Steve and Bucky.

Tomorrow, they’ll talk about it. Maybe. Maybe they’ll talk about it next week or next month, but Bucky’s smile feels like a promise that from now on, every touch and every glance will be deliberate, a stepping stone paving the way to a Them. As an entity.

He shifts his leg so that it presses up against Bucky’s and falls asleep to the gentle lull of his breathing.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> comment and kudos are, of course, dearly appreaciated. follow me on [tumblr](https://tumblr.com/blog/its-tortle) for more drabbles and gif edits and reblogs if you are so inclined. :)


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